MISPLACED TIME OR FATE


i can exorcise these extra flamey demons of desire in this safe anonymous space
i can confess to these fellow participant-voyeurs,
those also seduced by each mysterious drama,
all containing clues to a personal and unknown tale

(note: I have just given this context)

(note 2: yes, this is stream-of-consciousness . . . )

ok, so i want you . . .

mostly because i can't have you
mostly because i am in a loving, committed relationship
and partly because you wouldn't want me anyway
mostly because you donÕt know me

and mind you, this isn't a sign of displeasure or boredom with my said committed union
I love her truly
in fact I swear to my secret self I would never act upon this impulse
I am only somewhere between tormented and apathetic with regard to you
its just one of those primal accidents, a misfortune really, of misplaced time or fate or something seedily star-crossed
we could never be anything more than rip-roar lovers
I have no misconceptions or illusions about our unseemly match
I know its purely base, er . . . based purely on animalistic longings
I am a girl who wants a girl who wants girls

yes, no illusions

I don't want to meet your mom or endure the childhood photographs revealing your bad perm in the sixth grade or understand your current preference for red wine over white
I wont psychoanalyze your strange obsession with patty hearst or fret over your mercurial temperament or worship your art
just give me our small absurd moments
sing those songs from west side story while you work
accidentally brush against me
say my name

I like when your mouth reluctantly forms a smile . . .
kiss me with those halfhearted lips until they're unabashedly and unexplainably willing
see me in a different light and wonder about these things too
sex it up in your mind
entertain such thoughts

[submitted 02/04/04]
the love letter collection