Dear person I know no longer,

Every moment I think of you, I am bombarded with such a range of emotions that I am left dizzy. The sensation is quite the same as before, except that I enjoyed it then. I think about you; your every single detail of the spirit residing within you, and I would smile. Your visage would accompany me to sleep, dance with me in my dreams, wake me in the morn, whisper me courage, soothe my anger, slake my thirst for connection, and bring to life the great man I wanted to be. I needed you; I was a fool to need you, to admit my weakness. Within you, I realized the dreams I never knew were possible; and from you, I know they will never be true again.

I am ruined. If you saw me today, you would laugh, and walk away. But of course that's not true, because you have already left. And you have already given up, along with the other promises. And it would seem so logical to move on, but I cannot. There is still part of me that wants those dreams to be real, that wants to trust again, that wants to love the woman I met onstage two years ago. But I cannot love her anymore. The reason I lived was for the woman I met. The only reason I still live is for those impossible dreams, but you've ruined that.

You've ruined my life.

[submitted 10/27/03]