Dear ____,

I liked you alot, and you liked me. I provoked a part of you that thought for hisself, or at least I thought I did. I was so close to discovering the real you, and we were so close to dating; but no one made the first move.

Now you like some girl. I know her pretty well and I guess if you like people who have the depth of bottlecaps she's great...

She's nice; but nothing about her is very endearing.
She's pretty; but in a plain sort of way.
She's funny; the kind of funny rich people can quaintly chuckle over at dinner parties while drinking their $250 a bottle wine.
She's smart; but just enough that she understands most things, but nothing in great detail.
She's boring, and average- just like your "skater boi" style.

I hope you two date for a long time, finally get married after you receive your degree in some honourable-yet-plain field of education, and then find out on the wedding night that the sex is terrible and awkward.

But I'm sure you'll both grimace through it, and produce some trendy christian offspring to raise together

...But of course they'll be plain carbon copies of their parents and their friends,

Love/hate, _________

[submitted 06/05/03]