1995

i still dream of you. the images aren't even clear now, but i wake with the knowing that you were there. i cut my hair today, not realising that it hasn't been this way since you so slowly and carefully cut it - snip - snip- snip. we also dyed it black that night. i remember your amazement as we sat before my large circular mirror, "i can't believe how easy it is to transform your identity. look at you! you look like a completely different person." i was wearing my grandmother's peach silk shirt and you snipped the back of it along with my hair. a tiny frayed cut to remind me that once you were real.

yes, i remember you and how it was. there isn't much longing in that thought, more of a resigned realisation that to me, we are kindred and to me, a person like you only comes along once. you are a special bird and i am just a sad bird. our hearts did touch and our souls did become one. will the rest of our lives be a journey away from that connection? this disconnected connection is strange. i no longer crave you. i rarely see you, but still you come into my sleep and it feels so real. i turn around in a dream and there's your dark haired head bent low playing music or painting or maybe fixing something. my heart always expands, ahhh, beautiful you....

[submitted 06/06/03]