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SO MANY COMPLICATIONS I dream about you often, though I haven't seen or heard a word from you in ages. I dream that I can tell you this in person: I love you. I have always loved you. I am sorry I never knew it when I was near you. But I loved you then, even so. I know we have our own lives, and that is good, I want you to be happy, to be loved. But I will love you forever, no matter what happens, who you love, or who I love. I wonder if you loved me too. I think I shall never know, so I will continue to dream about you, thousands of times, telling you over and over again. It is bittersweet, because I awake not knowing if I am simply dreaming, or if somehow, you have met me in your dreams, and you know. I long to tell you, but fear so much that circumstances are damning, and that I would ruin whatever you have now, and what I have. I still have that picture of you in Florence, in front of some old stone wall. Your eyes are closed, but the wind lightly brushes your face, your golden hair. I have wished many times to be that wind. To be the light that touches your face so playfully, so gently. I remember so many times I was with you, and I didnŐt know. I was so nervous to be next to you, but I didnŐt know I loved you. That first kiss in your room, remember? It was a game, but it wasn't for me, or for you. I know it. I can still feel it. I treasure these small memories of you. Especially that night at the Hangar, that night I came in with my friend to hear you play, and you came up to me as I walked in and kissed my hand. How much I loved you! How much I wanted that kiss! How I want it now! My heart is sorrowful for you. When your father died, it was only a few days after my grandfather died, and I didnŐt get to see you, I missed you by only days. I didn't get to hold you. I'm sorry. Now, I wonder where you are, what you have done with your life. In some ways, I am disappointed that life hasn't crossed our paths. There are so many complications, but my love for you remains. I don't know what the answer is. All I know is that I feel an incredible passion for you that is unfulfilled in my life as I know it now. I love you in this life, and in the next. Whatever time, or place or circumstance brings us together, so be it. -_____
[submitted
02/10/04] |