THAT MOMENT HAS HAUNTED ME FOR YEARS


To my former admirer,

When last we spoke (almost 10 years ago), you asked me why we had never gotten together. I blurted out that it was because you'd never asked me, and ran out of the room. I can still hear you calling after me to this day, and regret my escape. In truth, it was because I saw myself as deeply flawed, and in many ways didn't want to change the way you thought of me. That moment has haunted me for years.

I don't know what would have transpired if I'd said what I felt, but now that I'm married (a situation not without it's problems) and have a child (she's 8 months old), I can't stop thinking about you. I actually dreamed about kissing you last night, not that we ever did when we knew each other. I think I miss being adored by you, though my insecurities assure me you wouldn't adore me now with my extra baby weight and added emotional baggage.

I'm guilty of having looked up your name on the internet, and I did find you. I keep debating on whether or not to contact you, but answering such an obscure question 10 years later would likely be regarded as more than a little insane. The flattery would likely be outweighed by your possible alarm, and to be honest I'm just too shy to actually call you up out of the blue.

I'm sure you've settled down and are quite happy as well. I can't help feeling a little sad and disappointed that I missed out on my time with you.

Missing you and wishing you well,

Your former crush.