"and no the lake isn't frozen. it wont ever freeze, it's huge."

Ok. If you ever wondered how much i loved you. if you need to know that i am not shallow, not into rumours, not out of bounds, and in no way am i going to pretend we were more than we are today as much as months ago, here you are. i do love you. i probably won't stop. i am sad, i am sick, i am not standing around with my happy i love you face while you kiss other people & give me cold calculated shoulders. and i'm not drama miss.

I didn't start this bullshit, i don't know how to deal with it well & it's got to stop. Everythings got a little mundaneness & a little tragedy & i have to work, too.

I am the person that would buy you a lawnmower if you need it or make you soup if you were sick and play mix tapes late. you don't want that from me, apparently, now. Yet you did before. And yet did you? seems like snobbery, but it's probably you protecting something from opening up? I protected, protected, & then lost it when you promised me that you wouldn't break my heart. I took that seriously.

Today i wish i hadn't b/c i had an image of you as a rock i placed into my life, a friendship besides love. it seems you are doing your best to make it uglier & uglier. Why? Drama, here it is.

Be real. Tell me the truth when i need to know to feel secure. be my friend, first. I am & have been to you. I don't tell rumours & when those hurtful things came at me the other night I told them don't ask me about his character, that's simply not appropriate.

They asked bc they care. they care b/c i am thier friend & they are supposidly yours & ____'s. But it doesnt' matter to me what our fucking town thinks as much as what I think & I think you've been sketchy & cold. Is that the taste you want to leave me, in my mouth?


You are a rock. You used to hold me stronger than anybody has.

Be that person?

[submitted 05/06/02]