I've thought about you a lot ever since the first time you called me six months ago, ever since I got your letter.

I've always respected you as a lady, and I've tried hard to be the man that you needed me to be. Even if we couldn't be together. I'm sorry I caused so much trouble in your life, I wish I could be there for you. The truth is that there is a lot of distance between us, but I have never been far from you.

I wish your parents could accept me for who I am, because I love you. I wish I could go to your father, because I can look him in the eyes as a man and know that I always respected you and them. I wish they could understand. I wish they could see my ambition, and understand my work. I wish that they could see that I'm an artist and that you are my inspiration.

I have always wanted a life with you because I respect you as a lady, and I know that you love me because you have made yourself a part of my life. You see something in me that nobody else sees, not even my own mother. I know that you have a life of your own, and that you've fought hard for your freedom. As hard as it may be for me, I have to let you make your own mistakes. I am here and you are there. Live your life.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I've learned a lot from other peoples mistakes. All you can do is learn from them and grow. I never wanted to hide any thing from your parents. I'm sorry that they look down on you because of me. I try to understand, but how can I?

Although you may have felt alone I was always there for you, even if I couldn't be. I'll never forget you, even if we cant be together. You are a part of me. Everything good in my life, all my hopes and dreams...I've seen it through you.

The beauty of what could be, but the reality is loneliness. It would take a lot of work, commitment, and sacrifice for us to be together. I'm scared. Scared of what could be and what is. Scared to give my heart, and my trust. I've been let down all my life, disillusioned and disappointed. All I've learned is what I don't want in a relationship. They were hard lessons to learn, but they have made me stronger.

All I want is to be your strength, because you are mine. I've felt tired, frustrated and exhausted. All alone. Then you came back into my life. Hope. Hope that we've grown together instead of apart. Hope that the distance has brought us closer. You have brought me hope.

Can we stand the test of time? Am I strong enough to be your strength?

I wish your parents could see how much I've sacrificed for my grandparents, and how far we've come as a family. I've accomplished everything that I left home to do. I'm happy that my grandparents could retire, because they've worked hard and gave so much. I'm thankful that I could be there for them. I need them just as much as they need me. I can never get this time back with them. So I stay.

There is a lot of opportunity here, and I have a lot to show for myself. I wish they could understand. I wish you could understand.

I need you.

Bye.

 

 

[submitted 12/02/02]