_____,

I know that you are still mad at me. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be smart with you today. I hope you didn't think that I was. I am happy that you are dating someone. I know that you might not want to hear this but I'm glad you aren't with _____. I know that you love him. You do. Its ok. I don't hate you for it. I can remember the things you told me that happened between you and him when you were together last time. I know that he don't have your best interest at heart.

Right now I'm sure you don't think that I have your best interest at heart either. I do. In time you'll see it. I want happiness for you _____. I want you to be loved, deeply and truly loved. You are special, _____,, you deserve the very best a man can give to you. You deserve a man who will help you get closer to God. You deserve more than I am, right now anyway.

I'm sorry that I wasn't what you wanted me to be. I wish that I was. When I was with you, there was so much to learn and so little time. I tried so hard to be, I tried so hard that I appeared to be further from what you want than I really am, to you anyways. I tried too hard. If I had have just let things happen I would have been fine I suspect. I will be what you want and need, I'm not there yet.

But that don't matter. I had my chance. And I blew it. I'm glad you gave me a chance. I've never been in the life of a finer woman. I'm not mad at you. I love you. I don't want you to be mad at me.

I wish we could talk about the relationship we had at some point. But not now, only if and when you would like to discuss it. I wish we could share just what went wrong, so that maybe we will be better in our next ones, and maybe understand that we only had the best intentions for each other.

I know that we didn't communicate as well as I wish we had have. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. You taught me so much, I feel like I was so much the rookie in these things.

I wish I had have had more experience. I wish I could have seen just how I wasn't being as good to you as I should have been. You even told me not to try so hard. I should have taken your advice. I wish that I could have just committed to what I wanted to anyway, you. I wish there had have been two pink lines instead of only one.

I wish we had have talked about this school thing and our deep inner feelings about it openly before I came back to Virginia. I know that I misunderstood your feelings about that. I really didn't want to do it, not deep down inside.I still don't, my heart just isn't in it.

I wish you happiness.
I wish you peace.
I wish you love.

Me

[submitted 06/16/03]