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WHAT
IS GOOD FOR ME I want to be better than every other person you have been involved with, and maybe that will happen if we are never involved. You can feel it, I know you know. Know that I won't be around forever, and you will be lucky if I am around for another week. I am unpredictable like that. This is why so many people don't get me or don't want to get me. It is hard with you. I so badly just want to fuck. Get it over with, and you would be the best person to do it with. You understand how it is, and although it would hurt you so much, I don't feel connected to you. What would it take to make me want to stay? I wish I had that answer for you, cause the least you deserve is an explanation for my behavior. I could float away, and out interaction could be like a dream for you. A nice one, where no one thought about hurt and pain, and no feelings were altered. It was just making out, and then maybe fucking. Youâre the only person I think I could do right now. You are passionate and good to me. I suck. I never want what is good for me. Actually I donât even know what is good for me. Do you really think it is you? Or is it better not to think about it all. I donât think you get who I am. i want someone too but I donât really think it is you, do you know what I mean? What would you do if I told you? let you know where I was coming from , was so honest it hurt us both? I donât even know what I would do about it. I cant figure myself out. I remain so detached from so much. From you. from everything. From myself, mostly myself. If I was someone else, someone better I would say I was in love with you. I just don't know what love is, and so I cant commit myself to it when I cant even commit myself to learning to be me.
[submitted
03/26/04] |