Dear _______,

This letter is a long time in coming because I've debated for many moons whether I should write down some trite news about my life or if I should write what's truly on my mind and what I would say in person if I ever saw you again. At last I realized I had to go with the latter or else have my brain explode with the truth as I know it. (I realized this in a moment of clarity on top of a rocky ridge in the Sierras). And so, here goes, ready or not.

Last summer, from that very first day I met you (and dangled my feet over a cliffside with you waiting for moose), I felt a deep soulful connection to you. I never really expressed anything over the summer because of all the surrounding circumstances and the knowledge that summer flings must end with summer's end. Near summer's end when we went for our long walks or sat on the porch sharing pints of Chubby Hubby, or went to movies down in the city, I still didn't say anything. And this more than anything was sheer cowardice.

Finally, when I said goodbye on that late night before I left, my brain was bursting with things I wanted to say, but did not. All that I could muster was a weak goodbye. I wanted to ask you to come with me to Zion and Nevada. I wanted to tell you how much you meant to me, and that I already knew that when I arrived back in Cali I would break up w/ ______ because I'd found someone who fit my picture of ideal. I wanted to say that you inspire me to laugh and dance and embrace this short crazy lifetime w/ all my might. And most of all I wanted to say that I was too quickly falling in love with you.

The brakes on my emotions had failed and i was flying down the mountain fearful yet giddy. Even though summer was over, my feelings for you were not. I'll remember the moments, moose-watching, sitting up in the trees, falling into the field of tall grasses, learning how to smoke a cigar... You wrote in your postcard to speak up if anything was wrong. This probably wasn't what you were expecting, but what seismic events ever are?

To the journey,

Me

[submitted 05/14/03]