THE GUT WRENCHING ONE
Its been 7 years since you broke my heart, since you altered my life forever, since you walked away.
You werent a man, you were a boy. A real man never would have put anyone through what you put me through. The sad thing is, you probably dont even remember me.
Ive been in a relationship for a year now and the fear of going through what you put me through again is taking away the trust he so very much deserves. He's paying the price for what you did, maybe you should apologize to HIM! Tell him youre sorry for hurting me so bad I cant trust him. For lieing to me, making me believe you were going to stay with me for 80 year and now I dont believe it when he tells me that. For telling me you love me when you didnt because now I doubt it when he says it. Your hurting me has caused others pain. You thought ending it would just effet you and I, it didnt. Its effecting anyone else who tries to love me, who wants to commit to me.
I wont allow myself to trust anyone again. I will never really love completely because I know how badly that hurts. I cant survive the pain again. I cant hear certain songs now, I cant go down ____ drive, I cant let go. I dont love you.
Im scared to love anyone because of you. Thank you for taking any chance of happiness away from me, thank you for taking my trust, for taking a piece of my heart, for ripping my very soul apart. Because of you I will never love completely or be loved completely. The 2 months we spent together have changed me forever and didnt even effect you. I cant hate you, I cant be mad at you. Instead I hate myself, Im mad at myself. For loving you, for believeing you, for giving my heart, my soul, my body to you, for spending countless hours, days, weeks, crying over you, for you.
I have broken my life up into 2 stages. Before you and after you. I still remember believing that love was all that mattered, that love can get you through tough times, that love can make me happy. Ive ran away from love, I didnt want it. the thing that everone else seeks, I avoid. I wanted nothing to do with love. the man that ive fallen in as much love as I can with is patient with me. He thinks I love him with all my heart. How can I? I dont even have all of my heart available to love WITH! Will I ever really love again?
love letter collection
12:37 AM EST
Friday, June 15, 2012