I Wish....
That things hadn't ended the way they did. That your ghost won't continue to follow me around for the next 62 years.  That my heart will be able to heal. That someday this will all make a little bit of sense. That I will keep holding on for that teenage feeling. I wish I never blame you.

I Wish...
That my chest didn't feel like it was going to explode. That i didn't feel like i have aged 10 years in 6 months. That my eyes would stop twitching. That my wrinkle would stop spreading.

I Wish...
That you could have been at the Seattle Pearl Jam show with me when they played Just Breathe so fucking beautiful it made me cry. That you knew that Just Breathe reminds me of you and I allow myself to listen to it once a day, usually on a run. That you were with me to hear all my PJ concert stories.

I Wish...
That i hadn't had to leave the job that i loved. That i didn't lose relationships with family and "friends" because of all of this. That my current job didn't give me a panic attack on a almost daily basis. That i had the motivation to find a different career and quit social work. That i was strong enough to do my private practice. That i didn't feel angry that the two of you two got to keep working your jobs like nothing ever happened.
That you would have said goodbye like you said you were going to. To never see the two of you running together on my trail again.  That the last text you sent me wasn't cut off half way through.
That I didn't feel so blindsided. To believe that true love is possible again. I wish that you would've known that you couldn't do this, before it got so far and so fucked up so much.

I wish to always hold you sweetly in part of my heart. To always remember the things that I loved about you.

That i will be able to love again and give my heart away again.

That you will always think about me a little bit, once in awhile, but not too much.

That I will always think about you a little bit, once in awhile, but not too much.

That you are happy. With yourself. With your relationship. With your family. But most importantly with yourself.

That you will say goodbye to me because I, you, we deserve it.

That you will tell me that you don't want to be with me, that your family is a billion times more important, that you thought we could be together, but that you were wrong.

That you are moving on from me and forgetting. That i should move on and forget.

Whatever you want to say. 4 words, 4 sentences, 4 pages.

But i wish that you will say it to me, and say it soon, so my heart can heal.


the love letter collection
submitted 1:34 AM EST
Wednesday, December 14, 2011