YOU'RE MY WORST NIGHTMARE
It’s me that kept you going.
I’ve been your worst nightmare, your most personal confidant, your worst critic, your strongest shoulder, your easiest target.
The Yin for your Yang, the Ace to your king and the black on your white...
Yet ALWAYS... all we've ever been is friends.
I havent seen you in years. After we last spoke, when you left, there was this empty space. I tried to fill it with arbitraries, but the ache remained. You left so suddenly that I only realised you were truly gone a few days later.
Through the years, that sharp stab has dulled... and now its just an occasional ache. Ive thought of you in the wierdest of times: When I got married, when my daughter was born... "Im sure she'll be happy with my choice" and "Im sure she'll think this kid is beautiful!"... Ive been through some really good times and some really bad times. People always ask WHY i love being alone so much... thing is Im NEVER alone. I always have thoughts of you: your face, the way you walked, laughed, talked. You are the reason I turned out the way I am, and I thank you. Through them all, your memory has been a constant companion.
Ive now realised that weve been searching for each other for a while... you even saw me once and tried to speak to me... but I was so stunned that I couldnt. To think, you were so close! Our lives have taken such different paths yet, despite this, we still think of each other!
Now, I've reached the hardest of them all: I’m facing death. Yet, its easier simply because you’re here. In my thoughts; in my dreams. Through all this pain, you’re the one thing that keeps me straight.
I have but one wish: that you know. I love you. I always have and always will. You’re my worst nightmare, my most personal confidant, my worst critic, my strongest shoulder, my easiest target.
It’s you that keeps me going.
Now my cards are all played out and the Yin is fading.
love letter collection
9:45 AM EST
Friday, October 28, 2011