you were my first love. i fell fast. i fell hard. i fell foolishly.

i loved you more than i loved myself. i love you more than air. more than living. more than my own life. i imagined my life with you. a wedding. a home. children. growing old.

then we had that pregnancy scare. after that, you were never the same. you grew distant, you pushed away, you crawled into your shell with no intention of coming out.

you would not touch me. you would not kiss me. you would not hold my hand. you wanted out, you wanted nothing to do with me. you broke my heart. but i was in love and i could not let you go.

two years you hung onto to me. two years of my life you led me on, lied to me. two years of me wondering what i had done wrong. i fought for you. i fought for us. i fought to make you love me. you gave me false hope when you said "i am not ready to say goodbye" over and over again.

when i look back at that foolish girl i wish i could tell her that there is someone else out there who will love you more than air. more than living. more than their own life. there is a someone who will fight for you, fight to be together, fight anything that tried to get in his way.

i now understand that a first love can be strong, but it does not mean it will be the strongest, nor the most most important. love is not about being with someone who is always selfish. love is not about hurting someone everyday. love is not walking away. love is not lying. love is not taking advantage of another person.

love is selfless, understanding, compromising, fulfilling, and trusting. something you never did.

so thank you for being that bad example that helped me see when good example stood right in front of me. thank you for walking away and not looking back. it allowed me to find the person who is not a coward.

thank you for being my first love.

Thank God you were not my last!

the love letter collection
submitted 12:48 AM EST
Tuesday, November 22, 2011